Saturday, 9 July 2011

Energy Disruption

Today I want to write about a subject that has been taking up a lot of my thinking lately, largely because I've been struggling with it a lot in the past few months. Maintaining and cultivating energy, or chi, or whatever name you use to work with it.

 I've always been interested in this subject, and I've also found that I have to keep up a very careful daily pratice because mine gets disrupted very easily. And that is the part that bothers me- the fact that I find it so difficult to maintain a balance, despite being very aware of its flows though my body. It seems like some people are in balance without hardly being aware of it, whereas I feel like mine is constantly boiling around, getting entangled with other people's bad emotions or draining away somewhere. This leads to me being very spaced out very easily, and it is like I am always fighting control not to go off into a trance. I have to keep constantly reminding myself "get back in your body!"

On the surface I know this sounds like I am just very ungrounded, or have a weak root chakra, but even if this is the case, it is not from lack of working at it! Every morning I do a grounding meditation, and focus on the paths of energy flowing through my body, making sure each one is in alignment, yet every day it is a stuggle to maintain focus. I really miss the sensation of feeling sharp and connected, like my brain and body are right there with me. Instead, I feel spread out and hazy, like I am intermingling with my surroundings, and yet not really having a connection to anything around me. It sort of feels like being in a dream.

Perhaps it has something to do with boundaries- like I can't feed the energy I am cultivating back into myself because I don't know what my own boundaries are (or don't have any?), and so I become some sort of neon all-you-can-eat-buffet sign for everything around me.

I really need to learn how to do this properly, because it's severely interrupting my life.

How do you maintain stable energy? Where are your boundaries and how do you create them?

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